Last night I thoroughly enjoyed having my guests, Mac Barnes and Justin Liebergen, on EPIC Voyages Radio as we discussed Star Wars: The Force Awakens while we allowed ourselves to fan-boy live on the radio. Since a whole lot of EVR listeners are Star Wars fans I hope that we’ll get the chance to do it again in the future – even though it’s not technically a “paranormal” topic.
Though it may not have been evident during the show, I’ve had this sort of itching energy that had really started to grow, coincidently (or maybe not), with the release of the new SW7 film. With my thoughts once again focussing on the “Force” and what it initially meant to me a long time ago, I was simultaneously beginning to feel that I need to change something within myself – and soon.
I could say it has something to do with living in New York City and its gritty, stark, frenetic and hardening features but I don’t think that would be a completely honest statement. I am changed. I’ve become a bit heavier in sensation. Still quite optimistic, but at times dragging in spirit. It’s been nagging me for probably a year now but within the last month I’ve really decided that I need to break free of the lock-down that has taken hold. It’s not some super dramatic diagnoses. Nope, it’s just cynicism – and it sucks. Insistent cynicism that I haven’t been able to shake off. It probably started becoming noticeable six months ago. Though, I feel it had been creeping throughout my brain and staking its flag in little nooks and corners of the mind for a couple of years. It made me more and more tired. So, I got tired of it.
I resolved recently to change that. I’m all good with a little sarcasm and cynical humor here and there; just not when it finds its way into every conversation. One can argue the finer points of whether perception is a choice and how that choice can change your state of mind or not. What I know is, that if I am singing along with Bob Marley or old school tunes by the likes of Bing Crosby I start to feel better. That’s pretty good evidence that I am able to change my own state. So, with the Christmas season stepping in at this particular time plus SW7 it just felt like the right time to slay the damn dragon.
And it’s been working. I’ve made some minor changes in my day to day life, including what I’m putting into my body, and it has definitely helped. I am not a religious person, but I do believe that the act of praying, repetitive affirmations and meditative intentions can be effective – and they have. The last week I sincerely felt the changes in my mood. Just talking about Christmas this month, discussing it’s history as Rich Wandel, Marian Tortorella and I did last night, plus the virtually non-stop conversations about Star Wars happening all around, well holy…, I’ve been feeling less self-centered and more altruistic. Altruism (one antidote to depression) helps me to melt away the little self-pitying burdens that can easily stick themselves to a person when they are already down. For me, that means slightly improving the tiny little moments of interactions and the medium sized unexpected circumstances that happen every day. It’s a start.
I have to say this though: THIS IS NOT A NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION. It’s more like seeing Yoda raise an X-Wing fighter out of a swamp moment where I’m thinking “ok so, well, yea ok I guess there’s room for me to be a better person”. I’m still me so I’m not going to drop everything to go run out and join Green Peace. Just a little change in my thinking and perspective so I can feel lighter and less complain-y again. A lot of the world and the society I live in is crappy. But, carrying a little gray cloud of cranky cynicism everywhere doesn’t make it better.
Actually, I think what really got my reflective engine started was a community theatre reunion show just after Thanksgiving. It’s near impossible not to be reminded of your younger and more naive self when you get back together with high school friends that you haven’t seen in years and gathering for a really good cause. A cause imbued with gratitude and love still living within all of us who were a part of Our Gang Players. Thank you to all of you who were a part of that weekend!
So, as it is I am consciously trying to infuse myself with the Christmas Spirit and the Force at the same time. I’m laughing at myself a bit but, you know what, it feels freaking good.
Peace and love!